Monday, June 06, 2005

Major Recall

Note: My friend, Annie Snelgrove, from Nashville, TN sent out the following URGENT NOTICE this afternoon. PLEASE TAKE HEED! - David

Regardless of make or year, all units known as "human beings" are being Recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named "Adam" and "Eve" resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically termed "Serious Internal Non-morality" but more commonly
known as "SIN".

Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect:

[a] Loss of direction
[b] Lack of peace and joy
[c] Depression
[d] Foul vocal emissions
[e] Selfishness
[f] Ingratitude
[g] Fearfulness
[h] Rebellion
[i] Jealousy

The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to correct the SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.

To repeat, there is no fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is:

Once connected please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Christ, into the heart component of the human unit.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Christ will replace it with:

[a] Love
[b] Joy
[c] Peace
[d] Kindness
[e] Goodness
[f] Faithfulness
[g] Gentleness
[h] Patience
[I] Self-control

Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes.

As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, the Holy Ghost. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up residence on the premises.

WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the human unit being incinerated.

Thank you for your immediate attention!

Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice!


  1. Those lists........very accurate!

  2. Wonderful metaphor! I love it! I don't wish to nit-pick, but I just feel that I need to make clear that we are not merely "repaired units", rather, we are "a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" 2cor.5:17 Perhaps we can change it to say that we are brand new re-issued units! It is good though - real good!