He Hideth My Soul

For several weeks the lyrics and melody of an old song written by the beloved blind hymn writer, Fanny Crosby, have been running through my mind during the day and often in the middle of the night.

Here's the story behind the hymn and a beautiful rendition of He Hideth My Soul by one of my favourite singers, Guy Penrod. What incredibly comforting lyrics concerning our wonderful Saviour! 

Click here to listen to Guy Penrod's rendition.

The story behind the song – He Hideth My Soul

She could not see with her natural eyes, but she could see with her heart. She could not explain what a human face looked like, but she knew the face of God. Blind from six weeks old because of a surgical mishap, her life was different than most, but it was not worse than most.

Fanny Crosby (1820-1915) supported herself as a teacher at a blind school, she had dear and close friends around the world, and she wrote and published thousands of beautiful hymns, many that are still sung today. Regarding her plight in life she wrote the following words:

“It seemed intended by the blessed providence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank Him for the dispensation. If perfect earthly sight were offered me tomorrow I would not accept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been distracted by the beautiful and interesting things about me.”

For those who have natural sight, but are blind to the things of God, Fanny Crosby’s songs bring a sense of His Presence.

He Hideth My Soul

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,

A wonderful Savior to me;
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.
Chorus:
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
He taketh my burden away;
He holdeth me up, and I shall not be moved,
He giveth me strength as my day.

With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
And filled with His fullness divine,
I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God
For such a Redeemer as mine!

When clothed in His brightness, transported I rise
To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
His perfect salvation, His wonderful love
I’ll shout with the millions on high.

“Behold, there is a place by Me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: And it shall come to pass, while My glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a cleft of the rock, and will cover thee with My hand while I pass by.”(Exodus 33:21,22)

​A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord.

He Giveth More Grace

I'm sitting here at my workplace listening to one of my favourite pianists, Stan Whitmire, playing HE GIVETH MORE GRACE, the lyrics written by Annie Johnson Flint.  These words have impacted me powerfully over the years.

God truly gives us abundant grace in our times of need. I'm dedicating this post to dear friends of ours whose beloved son passed away last Sunday. May you experience God's amazing grace and His peace, comfort and strength during these difficult days.

HE GIVETH MORE GRACE

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.
CHORUS:

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

Digging into the Archives...Fanny Crosby

Today I dug into the archives of Pilgrim Scribblings and found the following post about Fanny Crosby.  What an amazing woman! - David

Here's that post...from December 2004:

The old hymns hold a special place in my heart! I’ve always enjoyed reading the biographies of the great hymn writers from a bygone day, writers like Isaac Watts, William Cowper and Fanny Crosby. 

I marvel at the lyrics penned by Fanny Crosby who lost her sight when she was only six (6) weeks old. When she was only eight (8) she wrote the following poem: 

"Oh what a happy soul am I! 
Although I cannot see, 
I am resolved that in this world 
Contented I will be.
How many blessings I enjoy 
That other people don't. 
To weep and sigh because I'm blind, 
I cannot and I won't." 

What a positive attitude! She has written meaningful words to close to 9,000 hymns. Many of them have references to seeing, sight, etc. 

Here are just a few examples that reveal Fanny Crosby’s deep-seated faith that one day she would see Jesus face to face: 

“My Savior First of All”: 

“When my life work is ended and I cross the swelling tide, 
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see.” 

“Oh the soul thrilling rapture when I see His blessed face 
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye.” 

“To God Be the Glory”: 

“But purer and higher and greater will be 
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.” 

“Tell Me the Story of Jesus”: 

“Love in that story so tender, clearer than ever I see. 
Stay, let me weep while your whisper, Love paid the ransom for me.” 

“Near the Cross”: 

“Near the cross! O Lamb of God, bring its scenes before me; 
Help me walk from day to day, with its shadows o’er me.” 

“Redeemed”: 
“I know I shall see in His beauty, the King in whose law I delight; 
Who lovingly guardeth my footsteps and giveth me songs in the night.” 

“Give Me Jesus”: 

“Take the world but give me Jesus; let me view His constant smile. 
Then thro’-out my pilgrim journey, light will cheer me all the while.” 

“Blessed Assurance”: 

“Perfect submission, perfect delight! Visions of rapture now burst on my sight; 
Angels descending bring from above, Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.” 

“He Hideth My Soul”: 

“A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord, a wonderful Savior to me; 
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock, where rivers of pleasure I see.” 

“All the Way My Savior Leads Me”: 

“Tho my weary steps may falter, and my soul athirst may be, 
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see.” 

What a glorious faith Fanny Crosby possessed! One day we will see Jesus face to face. Until then, let’s revel in His love and rejoice in His provision. - David W. Fisher 

Hard Edges and Dark Valleys

I'm so glad that He restores my soul in the valleys.

God is so good!

Tim Challies on Blogging

Tim Challies is one of the most prolific Christian bloggers I know and I read his contributions every day.  You must check him out at www.challies.com

I'm reposting an article on blogging that Tim wrote and posted on his blog today.  It's entitled "Why You Shouldn't Stop Blogging (or Why You Should Consider Starting)."  His post struck a chord with me as I haven't blogged regularly for some time.

Tim writes:

"I have said a few times and in a few ways that I’m concerned about what seems to be a growing trend: Bloggers are shuttering their blogs and instead submitting articles to the major ministry sites. If they aren’t shuttering their blogs altogether, they are writing on them less or using them primarily as a kind of resume to link to the material they’ve written elsewhere. Please hear me: I appreciate those major ministries, I enjoy reading their sites, and I am grateful for the great content they share. What concerns me is that their ascension may be directly related to the decline of Christian blogging. Yet I am convinced the church will be healthier and those ministry sites will ultimately have better material to share if we continue to have a thriving Christian blogosphere.

Today I want to list a few reasons it may be better for bloggers to continue blogging on their own sites, and why we need a new generation of bloggers to take up the craft. Here are some of the benefits you may experience if you maintain your own blog (instead of only ever submitting material to the major ministry blogs). If you have your own blog…

…you serve readers by building a relationship with them. A significant part of the power of a blog is that it combines writing with personality to form a relationship between the writer and the reader. This makes it a deeply personal rather than merely abstract form of communication. Just like the personality of a pastor is a crucial component of his preaching, the personality of the writer is a crucial component of her writing. The relationship between writer and reader is developed over time so that readers are eventually compelled not just by what the writer says, but by who she is. This kind of relationship can be developed far more and far better on a blog than a ministry site. That’s because the identity of the blogger is the key factor in a blog, while the identity of the ministry is the key factor at a ministry site. The primary relationship at a blog is of the writer to the reader; the primarily relationship at a ministry blog is of the ministry to the reader, with the writer tending to fade into the background.

…you have freedom to cover any topic. When big news breaks or important ideas merit consideration, it is unlikely that you will be able to play a role in commenting or analyzing. That’s because these sites have access to scholars, experts, and in-house writers who can take on that role, and once they’ve covered it, you can’t cover it. Even if you have something to say that helpfully complements or humbly contradicts what has already been said, you won’t have the ability to say it without your own blog. In that way giving away your blog gives away your voice. It gives away your ability to contribute on what may be key issues.

…you don’t have to play it safe. The articles you submit to these ministry sites are likely to be “safe,” which is to say they will avoid controversial matters. You’ll write about topics both you and they are comfortable with. You won’t have the opportunity to push yourself in your thinking and writing. You won’t have the opportunity to express dissenting viewpoints. Instead, you’ll be forced to stick with safe explorations of common issues related to Christian living or doctrine.

…you don’t have to swing for the fences. If you only ever submit articles for consideration at the ministry blogs, you’ll become obsessed with the quality of each article. To borrow a baseball analogy, you’ll only ever swing for the fences. So much of life, and ministry, and writing is hitting singles, and learning to be okay with hitting singles, and learning to appreciate how God so often uses those singles to incrementally advance his causes. (Imagine if your pastor would only preach sermons that he believed were a home run!)

…you won’t ever release some of your most important articles. There’s also this: we vastly overestimate our ability to predict which of our articles will resonate with people and make a difference in their day or in their life. What we’re convinced is a home run is often a single and what we’re convinced is a single is often a home rum. What I’ve learned over many years of doing this is that some of the articles I thought the weakest were the ones God used in the biggest ways. But I would never have submitted them to a ministry blog, which means readers never would have had the benefit of reading them. How many helpful and biblical articles are sitting unpublished because the writer thought they weren’t good enough?

…you miss the benefit of plodding. One of the great benefits of submitting articles for consideration at one of the ministry blogs is that they are passed through an editorial process. This process can strengthen the article while also providing valuable feedback to improve the quality of future submissions. However, I’m convinced the greater means of growing in skill is the practice of regular writing. Editorial feedback can supplement but never replace this. Additionally, the editorial process is not designed to help you find your voice as much as to help you find theirvoice. When you submit an article to these sites you may gain valuable feedback, but it’s not analogous to entering into a writing mentorship. What you may consider a key to growth as a writer will displace the even greater key. You need to plod!

…you fail to serve the wider church. Living in the bubble of Reformed writers, you may think that “everyone” reads these big ministry blogs. They don’t. Just ask around at church and you’ll see that the majority of good and godly people don’t. They haven’t formed the habit and perhaps don’t have the interest. There’s an important implication: Just because something has been said on one of these sites, doesn’t mean that it won’t be beneficial to say it elsewhere. If you can speak to a crucial topic and reach fifty or a hundred people who otherwise wouldn’t consider it, you’ve done good work. You may find the most effective way to serve others isn’t to get the message out to the widest audience, but to youraudience—the one you’ve built a relationship with over time, the one who likes you, not just what you say.

Keep on Plodding

I encourage you to keep on plodding with that blogging. By all means, submit some of your best material to the ministry blogs! That is of benefit to you and them and all of us. But keep writing on your own blog as well. That’s the best of both worlds."  -  Tim Challies

Unfathomable Mercy

The depths of God's mercy are unfathomable!

THANK YOU, Lord!  "Mercy there was great and

grace was free.  Pardon, there, was multiplied

to me.  There my burdened soul found liberty...

at Calvary!"   

A New Year...A New Commitment

HAPPY NEW YEAR from the pilgrim!  I must admit...with the advent of Facebook I haven't been posting my scribblings as frequently as I should.  Now that we're into 2019 I'm going to do my best to post more often.

A friend of mine posted the following on her Facebook page and she captured exactly how I feel about the new year.

She writes:

"This year has been different than any other. And as I reflect, I've come to the common recognition that every year is different! After chatting with a friend this morning on the phone, I know that my expectations change and grow every year. I'm thankful for the few people in my life that bring a trusted perspective backed with logic and inspiration to dream. It really is the perfect combination to offer in friendship and I hope I can do the same for my friends.

What I expect for 2019 is simple. I expect that God will be faithful. I expect that He has a plan. I expect that He will provide. And I expect that He will give grace, strength and mercy to face everything that comes our way in 2019. My expectations are based on His Character and as my favourite verse in the Bible says, "If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."

In the deep shadows of that verse in 2 Timothy 4:13, there are sweet promises that my expectations are based on the firmest of foundations, His Character which cannot be denied - that will not fail or give way to my own short lived resolutions!

I hope and pray the same for all of you. Set expectations based on a truth that you believe in - for the worst of times and the best of times!"

Successful Hymn Writing by Stuart Townend

Being an aspiring songwriter myself, I found this article by Stuart Townend very helpful. - David

There are probably more hymns and worship songs being written today than in any period of church history. But relatively few will stand the test of time. And that has always been the case: for every “Amazing grace” or “And can it be”, you can bet there are several hundred trite, interminably dull ditties that did the rounds at the time, but have now thankfully faded into blissful obscurity.  So how can we make sure what we write is worth singing for years to come? 

Here are a few ideas that I try to put into practice myself: 

• Study the Scriptures. The best hymns demonstrate insight and understanding of the Bible, and consequently bring the truths of the Christian faith to life. If you don’t know the message of the gospel, you can’t write something that will enable others to worship in spirit and truth.
• Be poetic, not pompous. Sometimes when people set out to write a hymn, they use phrases which might sound ‘hymny’, but actually mean very little. Make your phrases mean something!
• Combine objective truth and subjective response. When a hymn is just a statement of theological truth, it may be accurate, but it can be dry. Equally, when a hymn is just about how we feel, it’s wishy washy. The best hymns powerfully express the emotions of the worshipper, but as an emotional response to the objective truth of the gospel.

• Look for musical dynamics. A hymn should have musical peaks and troughs, and there should be a sense of building to a climax where the melody soars while expressing the main theme of the hymn.   

• Make every line count. I see hymns that contain a few good ideas, but some of the lines are clearly there as just ‘filler’, and let the whole thing down. Don’t just stick in a line because it rhymes, or because you couldn’t think of anything else to say.  

• Prune it mercilessly. Once you think you’ve finished, go through it carefully, and get rid of anything that distracts from the main theme you’re expressing. Better to have two compact, punchy verses than four rambling, unfocused ones.

So get writing!

Copyright © 2004 Stuart Townend.

Nothing Should Be "Beneath Us"

Show Me Your Library

By Their Books You Will Know Them...

This is a re-issue of something I posted on Pilgrim Scribblings several years ago.  By the way...I LOVE BOOKS!

The pilgrim scribbler...David

The following post appeared on Dr. Albert Mohler's blog and my heart resonated with the author as I read the article...with much joy! Here's someone who feels exactly the way I do about books! Read through and see what you think and then...please COMMENT!

Jay Parini, a poet and professor of English at Middlebury College, has written an elegant essay for The Chronicle of Higher Education, noting his penchant for looking at personal libraries of friends and acquaintances.

In "Other People's Books",Parini writes:

It's not only the physical aspects of books that attract me, of course. In fact, I rarely buy first or elegant editions, however much I like to glance at them; good reading copies, in hardback or a decent paperback, are just fine. But seeing some of the editions in my living room reminds me of that wonderful house in Surrey, which stirred my imagination as a young man and was part of the reason I became a writer myself.

What interests me about other people's books is the nature of their collection. A personal library is an X-ray of the owner's soul. It offers keys to a particular temperament, an intellectual disposition, a way of being in the world. Even how the books are arranged on the shelves deserves notice, even reflection. There is probably no such thing as complete chaos in such arrangements.

Parini, author of biographies on William Faulkner and John Steinbeck, writes of visiting libraries in the homes of authors such as Graham Greene and Anthony Powell.

Of Powell's library, he writes: He lived deep in the English countryside, in Somerset, in an old stone manor on many green acres. We had tea in his sitting room, which had floor-to-ceiling shelves on every wall. There were first editions by his good friend Evelyn Waugh, and countless volumes culled from his decades as a reviewer. "I can't give a book up, if it's a book that meant something to me," he said. "I always imagine I'll go back to it one day. I rarely do, but the intention is there, and I get a warm feeling among my books." I wished I could have spent days wandering in that house, as he had books in nearly every room.

Book lovers know exactly what Powell meant. We do get a warm feeling among our books. Furthermore, true bibliophiles understand the problem in the Powell house -- the books spread themselves to every room.

Finally, he notes:

Other people's books draw my attention, of course. They excite curiosity about their owners and the worlds they inhabit. But it's finally my own books that matter, as they tell me about where I've been, and where I hope to go.

When truly read, a book becomes a part of us. That is why we are afraid to part with even the physicality of it. The book becomes an aid to memory and a deposit of thought and reflection. Its very materiality testifies that we once held it in our hands as we passed the pages before our eyes.

Parini observes that libraries are mirrors into our minds and souls. The books we collect, display, and read tell the story about us.

This may be especially true of Christian ministers. Books are a staple of our lives and ministries. When the Apostle Paul instructed Timothy to bring the books and the parchments, he was writing with the kind of urgency any preacher understands.

To a great extent, our personal libraries betray our true identities and interests. A minister's library, taken as a whole, will likely reveal a portrait of theological conviction and vision. Whose works have front place on the shelves, Martyn Lloyd-Jones or John Shelby Spong? Charles Spurgeon or Harry Emerson Fosdick? Karl Barth or Carl Henry? John MacArthur or Joel Osteen?

How serious a Bible scholar is this preacher? The books will likely tell. Are the books all old or all new? If so, the reader is probably too contemporary or too antiquarian in focus. Are the books read? If so, the marginalia of an eager and intelligent mind adds value to the book. It becomes more a part of us.

Is this person a Christian intellectual, feeding the mind and soul by reading? For too many pastors, the personal library announces, "I stopped reading when I graduated from seminary."

When I think of my closest friends, I realize that I am most at home with them in their libraries, and they are most at home with me in mine. Why? Because the books invite and represent the kind of conversation and sharing of heart, soul, and mind that drew us together in the first place. 
By their books we shall know them. And by our books we shall be known.

The pilgrim's scribbling concerning this...

Presently I'm reading several biographies at the same time. I've picked up other biographies and autobiographies in the last week and perused them for some information. Based on the following books...WHO AM I?

A biography of D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones written by a grandson

In Retrospect by F. F. Bruce

The Journals of Anthony Norris Groves

A biography of William Carey that I picked up in a used book store in the Milwaukee airport

The Journals of Jim Elliot by his widow Elisabeth Elliot

A biography of John Nelson Darby

Go ahead...tell me...who am I?

Note: I've posted the picture at the top of this article before. It's just one small corner of my library at my office in Peterborough. I have about 1,000 books there and about 2,000 plus in my library at home.

Another note: Don't even think about throwing out any old, unwanted Christian books. I'll pay the postage if you send them my way. Carol might kill me but then someone else could inherit my library.

True Christianity...the True Gospel

The Way by John Oxenham

I came across this poem from a 19th century English poet, William Dunkerley, writing under the pseudonym John Oxenham. 

The poem was included in perhaps the Christian book that most impacted my life as a young man...By Searching...written by Isobel Kuhn, a missionary to China.

Eloquently written, the poem’s message transcends the ages. We have choices in life. Take the high way or the right path; take the low way or the wrong path; or somewhere in-between. The choice is ours to make!  

THE WAY...

To every man there openeth
A Way, and Ways, and a Way,
And the High Soul climbs the High Way,
And the Low Soul gropes the Low,
And in between, on the misty flats,
To rest drift to and fro.
But to every man there openeth
A High Way, and a Low.
And every man decideth
The way his soul shall go.

John Oxenham

God Will Not Forget You

No matter how rough the road might be...God

will NOT forget you.  That's His promise!

Russell King - A Celebration of a Life Well Lived

Recently I had the pleasure of participating in the funeral/celebration of life of a lifelong friend, Mr. Russell King.  I had known Russell for over 50 years and he was a godly, generous man.  My brother Jon is married to Russell's daughter Elaine.

The Celebration of Life was captured on video and I'm sharing it here.

Thank you, Russell King, for the impact you made on many lives around the world.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."

Verse # 3 - A Personal Testimony

Many years ago during a particularly difficult time, the Lord gave me a poem/song that lifted the burden. Several years later He gave me the 2nd verse. 

Tonight, while waiting for our pizza, the 3rd verse came to my mind.  I'm sharing it below. It's my personal testimony regarding God's amazing care and provision. 

I've quoted this poem countless times since then. God knows our needs before we even ask. The answer may already be on the way. Trust the Provider. He has never failed! 

Our Great High Priest above, 
In righteousness arrayed; 
Presents our every need to God 
Before we've even prayed. 

Jehovah is His name, 
Our needs He will provide; 
His Word declares it to be true 
And He has never lied. 

Verse # 3...many years later...

Now after all these years
Grey hair adorns my head;
Yet from a child I can attest
I've never begged for bread.  (Psalm 37:25)

- David W. Fisher 

Safer Than a Known Way

So very true!  We can trust our God with every detail of our lives...

A Great Evening of Music for a Great Cause

YOU'RE INVITED...

We're looking forward to a great evening of music in Del Crary Park on August 26th from 7:00 - 9:00 p.m.

The concert will feature Pete Gauthier and his band, Washboard Hank and the Wringers and the McDonnel Street Gospel Quartet!

The concert is to benefit FRIENDS Peterborough, the humanitarian agency where I've been the frontline staff worker since October 2011.

Come on out and enjoy the evening!

See you there!

David

It's Worth the Wait

"Wait on the Lord...and again I say, wait."

It's always worth the wait but our impatience gets in the way.

God's timing is always best!

How to Discourage a Grieving Friend

An excellent article by Vaneetha Renall Risner from www.desiringgod.org:

What’s the best way to discourage a grieving friend? I can tell you what I’ve done.

I’ve asked numerous questions, trying to fully assess the situation. I’ve mentioned others who are going through similar trials, extolling their bravery and faithfulness. I’ve freely doled out advice, even mini-sermons, to my friends about how their painful situations will turn out for the best.

I wasn’t trying to be discouraging. I was trying to help. Surprisingly, my advice didn’t help at all. My words just added to their pain.

I know, because I’ve been on the receiving end of that kind of “help” as well.

Let Them Process Differently

That “help” has cut deeply. It has left me feeling judged and misunderstood in the midst of my struggle. It has made my burden heavier. It has made me feel lonely and isolated, wondering who was safe to talk to.

A friend once confided that she admired how I grieved. Apparently, my grief was more God-honoring than the sorrow of those who seemed defined by their pain. At first, I was flattered by the favorable comparison, but later her words troubled me. I didn’t want to be compared to others in my grief. There isn’t one “right” way to grieve. I wanted the freedom to be honest about future pain without feeling judged.

When we analyze grieving people, we add to their burden. Everyone processes loss differently, whether they are grieving the loss of a loved one, loss of health, lost relationships, or even lost dreams. Offering suggestions can feel like judgment, and careless words can cut deeply. We can become like Job’s comforters, who went on and on, speaking about things they neither knew nor understood.

Pat Answers for Deep Pain

Job said, as expanded in the New Living Translation, “I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are! Won’t you ever stop blowing hot air? What makes you keep on talking? I could say the same things if you were in my place. I could spout off criticism and shake my head at you. But if it were me, I would encourage you. I would try to take away your grief” (Job 16:2–5 NLT).

Job wanted his comforters to stop talking. Stop blowing hot air. Stop criticizing and judging. He longed for them to listen. To encourage him. To think about what he needed in his grief.

I’ve been like Job’s friends more often than I care to remember. And I’ve been in Job’s place too. I’ve been a miserable comforter, and I’ve received miserable comfort. Here is what I’ve learned from both sides of the fence: When I’m in agony, I don’t want trite comments. When someone tells me to count my blessings, that my plight could be worse, that there are starving orphans in Africa who have a much harder situation, I want to scream. Of course, these things are all true. But at that moment, they feel irrelevant.

Pat answers sound sermonizing. Saying that all things work together for good is absolutely true — and unspeakably precious — but it can feel hollow at a funeral.

How to Magnify Pain

Those of us who have faced our own losses can be the worst offenders. It’s easy to forget the intensity and all-encompassing nature of grief after the years have passed. Grief can be like a steamroller, flattening everything in its wake. We are often at its mercy.

Some people feel the sharp edge of grief for years, while others bounce back quickly without much struggle. In many people’s eyes, those with the fewest tears are the ones with the strongest faith. Cheerful Christians who face trials with smiles on their faces, who never seem discouraged, are held up as the models for others.

True, I may not be healing as fast as they are. Perhaps they are trusting God more than I am. Maybe their situations are harder than mine. Perhaps I am living in the past. But when friends minimize my struggle, it magnifies my pain. I feel judged. Misunderstood. Their dismissal makes me want to explain my miseries in excruciating detail, so others can validate my hardship.

Works in Progress

The fact is that I don’t always handle my trials well. I’m broken. A work in progress. I don’t like having things unravel. I can take some suggestions, but I’m fragile. I need encouragement to balance out any advice. And mostly I need grace. It’s hard to present a perfect, put-together self when life is crushing me.

Yet I know that my friends with advice have good intentions. They don’t want me to be overwhelmed, held captive to my struggles. They don’t want me to be defined by my trials. They want me to find joy in the present.

Those are worthy goals, but no one should presume that our input will lessen people’s pain. Transforming our suffering is ultimately the work of the Holy Spirit and not the product of good advice. Our main work is to pray.

What’s Most Comforting?

So how should we treat our grieving friends? What does being a friend to someone in need even look like? What should we say to our neighbors who are struggling?

From my experience, the most comforting thing we can do in the moment is to sit with them and mainly listen. Job’s friends said a lot of damaging things, but when they first saw him, “they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2:13).

Having someone listen as I pour out my heart has helped me more than any words ever have. I just want someone to be there. To weep with me. To pray for me. To not expect me to have perfect theology. To let me rant. What an amazing gift it is not to feel judged by every desperate word I utter. We need to remember there is mystery in suffering. We don’t understand the ways of God. Job’s friends thought they understood, so they wrongly blamed Job for his pain. There are no easy answers in grief.

Lay Down Your Expectations

It’s easy to discourage a struggling friend. Trust me, I know. But I’m challenging you, me, all of us, to put down our expectations of our suffering friends. Let’s stop trying to “fix” them. Don’t bludgeon them with theology. Trust that God is working in them, and be patient while they process.

Instead, let’s sit with our friends. Cry with them. Support them as they grieve. They need grace to heal. Remember, we don’t need to be a savior for our grieving friends. They already have One — and so do we.

Vaneetha Rendall Risner is a freelance writer and a regular contributor to Desiring God. She blogs at danceintherain.com, although she doesn’t like rain and has no sense of rhythm. Vaneetha is married to Joel and has two daughters, Katie and Kristi. She and Joel live in Raleigh, North Carolina. Vaneetha is the author of the book The Scars That Have Shaped Me: How God Meets Us in Suffering.