Monday, May 30, 2011

Silent Suffering

Recently I had the pleasure and privilege of participating in an event sponsored by the Canadian Mental Health Association.  

I prefaced "the story of my journey" by reading the following anonymous account of someone's battle with depression.  

It seemed to resonate with the audience.  It certainly did with me when I read it before sharing it with those in attendance. an anonymous fighter

"You wake up and you just know it’s going to be “one of those days”.  You try to muster up every ounce of determination, call to mind every positive motivator, every quote by a well-meaning friend...but nothing works.  You try to squash the negative thoughts that percolate near the surface but they continue to simmer unabated.  You “think positive thoughts” and feel like a bloody hypocrite because, deep down in the inner recesses of who you are, you “feel like _ _ _ _”!

You try to explain how you’re feeling but how can you?  Sometimes it’s impossible to translate gut feelings into words or phrases that others can comprehend.  You know what’s inside!  Nobody else does!  How could they?  You are unique and unlike any other person ever created.  You’re different...”so different”.  You are YOU and you can’t explain YOU in a way that anybody else would understand.  So, you “suffer in silence” and throw your own little pity party (that nobody attends), all the time trying to absolve yourself of the guilt thrust on you by others and by your own skewed thinking.

After a few hours of this dark, cloudy, miserable existence you are totally exhausted from trying to “hold it together” and you just want to crawl into a hole away from the prying eyes and unhelpful platitudes of those don’t “give a _ _ _ _” and those who really DO love you and genuinely want to help.  Often trying to distinguish one from the other can sink you even deeper into the pit of despair.  You don’t even care who cares.

Does this sound like fun?  Absolutely not!

These are the daily delights of depressed souls and you can’t just “snap out of it” so don’t even suggest it."

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