Note: The child in the picture is NOT Zach.
Here is a little story about my day at a Children's Hospital and what God's been teaching me:
This story is about Zach, a beautiful brown eyed babe with the longest eyelashes I’ve ever seen. He is 10 months old and was born to a 16 year old illegal immigrant. I do not know her name, her situation or his in fact but what I do know is that she never visits him. Maybe she’s scared, maybe she’s hurting or maybe she doesn’t care but whatever the reason my heart broke not only for Zach but also for his mom. I was trying to figure out why she wouldn’t visit. Why someone wouldn’t want to spend all their time with this sweet child but then I began to realize that she herself is merely a child. A child that still needs loving and a child who may not have been ready for a baby of her own. Not only did she have a baby at 16, but she had a sick baby and so I am sure that she is scared, anyone would be.
Zach is the sweetest little boy. Picture this: 10 months old, light brown hair that sticks up on end, chubby pink cheeks, the longest eyelashes you've ever seen, huge brown eyes and a smile that could melt the hardest of hearts. He reminds me of a little froggy, the way he kicks his legs. I have seen him before but today was the first day I was allowed to hold and snuggle him and the moment the nurse placed him in my arms I was stolen away. I tickled him and made him smile, careful not to tug on his central line and tubes. I listened to his little voice babble away and I sang songs to him. Not long after I got there he fell asleep in my arms. I wasn’t going to put him down to sleep on his own in his crib, no, I was going to sit right there and keep snuggling. The nurse came in abut half an hour later and insisted that I turn on the tv so I wouldn’t be so bored but what she didn’t understand was that I wasn’t bored. I was mesmerized by is beauty, by his oh so chubby rosy cheeks and his wild hair. My eyes were locked on him and I rocked him and held him close while he slept. As I was sitting there I was praying. Praying over this precious little life who was facing the world alone. I could have sat there all day holding him. He woke up from his nap with a smile on his face and looked up at me with those big eyes and I felt they were saying “You’re still here? You stayed with me even though I was sleep?” How much this relates to us and our Father. We are never left alone, even when we may not need Him He doesn’t leave and more importantly, when we do need Him He is there.
Many times I don’t feel like I’m doing enough, loving enough, helping enough. I came to realize today that every bit counts. The 1 ½ hours I spent cuddling this precious little baby is something. I know I can’t fix his problems, his sickness and his family but I can love him for the short time that I am with him. I can cuddle him and show him that he is loved. And loved not only by me but by our Heavenly Father. So today even though my heart broke, I felt peace. Peace that even in my weakness and my inability to fix things I have confidence in knowing that I have a God who can. A God that is bigger than all of our problems and a God who loves us unconditionally no matter who we are or what we do. While snuggling with a precious little baby today, I came to understand that we are not in this struggle alone and even when we might not be able to feel God we can rest assured that He is still right beside us because He isn't going anywhere.